http://www.b-sort.com/blog How to deal with conflicted feelings and ways to improve your connection with your partner by Registered Psychologists Dr. Bea Mackay and Dr. Warren Weir Fri, 09 May 2008 22:53:44 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en It's a given that people in relationship need things from one another. Sometimes you want to do what is needed to be done. Sometimes you don't want to, but you don't mind doing it. Occasionally you really do not want to do what your partner needs you to do. It ... http://www.b-sort.com/blog/2008/05/09/make-changes-now-dont-agree-to-do-anything-that-you-really-dont-want-to-do/ People often ask questions when they are really making statements. Sometimes this is intentional but mostly people don't even realize they are communicating in this way. Some examples: “Do you want to see a movie tonight?” may actually be “I want to see a movie tonight and I ... http://www.b-sort.com/blog/2008/05/02/relationship-communication-skills-turn-your-questions-into-statements/ On Thursday, I was watching television as I ate my breakfast. There was a clip about a boy aged about 10 or 11 years old. He was standing by the side of the road holding a yellow placard. On the placard in large letters were the words, "I can't ... http://www.b-sort.com/blog/2008/04/29/can-truth-come-from-childs-humiliation/ The following is Part 1 of a previously published article that I wrote. I see and hear more and more people criticizing themselves when they forget a name, a word, or forget what they were going to say or do. Criticism is unnecessary and counterproductive to both feeling good about ... http://www.b-sort.com/blog/2008/04/22/10-memory-tips-for-handling-life%e2%80%99s-little-lapses-part-1/ Remembering the Past in More Detail An example of over remembering the past in more detail comes from my own experience. In my thirties I did some major work on myself in therapy. One day, during a session, I recalled a memory from my early childhood. I don't remember ... http://www.b-sort.com/blog/2008/04/18/how-to-change-the-present-by-talking-about-the-past-part-3-remembering-the-past-in-more-detail/ Reframing Reframing is taking an same event (or circumstance) and giving it a new and different meaning. That is, looking at old stuff in a new way. I worked with a man in his 30's who had come for help with work issues. During the work it became clear that he ... http://www.b-sort.com/blog/2008/04/15/how-to-change-the-present-by-talking-about-the-past-part-2-2/ Getting More Information About the Past Many people say, "There is no use talking about the past, you can't change it." I think it is their idea of how they and other people recover from an event or events that were traumatic. Perhaps it is the only way they ... http://www.b-sort.com/blog/2008/04/11/how-to-change-the-present-and-future-by-talking-about-the-past-part-1/ Guilt is a tremendous waste of energy. It does no one any good. Guilt is all about feeling bad. Using guilt, you can make yourself feel bad, make someone else feel bad, manipulate yourself into doing something that you don't want to say or do, manipulate others ... http://www.b-sort.com/blog/2008/04/07/how-to-shift-guilt-into-positive-action/ As I drive into the parking lot at the tennis club I see her car. She's already there. Like me, she's an early bird and likes to play in the mornings. As I walk into the foyer I see her standing at the computer booking a court ... http://www.b-sort.com/blog/2008/04/04/my-amazing-tennis-buddy/ A mixed message is a message that can be taken different ways. Mixed messages cause lots of communication problems in intimate relationships and in relationships in general. First of all, you need to know when you're are getting a double or mixed message. The way you know is by ... http://www.b-sort.com/blog/2008/03/29/communication-skills-return-to-sender-how-to-handle-mixed-messages/