Archive for January, 2008:

Egyptian Holiday (part 2): New Eyes

Thursday 24 January 2008

Ever since I was a child the pyramids and sphinx have fascinated me. I’ve wanted to see them. Never did I think that I would make friends with a fabulous Egyptian woman like SS who would show me, not all, but much of what her country has to offer and would take such good care of me while personally guiding me through it.

When you see photos and postcards of the pyramids and sphinx (and all the other monuments and temples) usually that’s all you see. Maybe there is the odd camel in the photos but mostly, you just see just the monuments.

When the big day came and I finally arrived at the pyramids I felt discombobulated. There were many metal-detecting checkpoints and lots of armed guards. There were thousands of tourists milling around. There were hundreds of hucksters hawking their made-in-China products. There were lines of Egyptian children and their adult supervisors trekking through the sites. And, there was garbage – cigarette butts, squashed pop cans and water bottles, bits of plastic, paper and more.

I was distracted by all of this activity and found it confusing. I felt irritated. I wanted it all gone. What do I focus on? I wanted to just experience the pyramids and sphinx. I wanted to step back in time and feel like what it must have been like to live thousands of years ago. No possibility of doing that with all these modern day people around doing modern day activities.

Gradually, I came to realize that we North Americans live in a two-dimensional world of time and space. We live in a young world – even 500 years is young. In Egypt it was like I was experiencing another dimension – history – thousands of years old. People who grow up in countries like this take for granted this dimension. For them, it’s like breathing – it just is there. But it has an impact on people. I’m not sure exactly what the impact is but there is one. I realized that this impact of history was something that I was missing. I had not grown up with it. I felt, not deprived, but less rich somehow. It’s hard to put into words. Perhaps, ignorant on some level – simple, uncomplicated, child-like, in that I was lacking in experience, knowledge and even sensation.

Once I ‘got’ this added dimension, something shifted in my perception. I started to look at the country and all it had to offer in a new way - as a juxtaposing of the ancient and the current. I started looking at the current buildings with the pyramids in the background. Looking at the pyramids with the many skyscrapers in the background. I saw a donkey cart with its driver carrying the vegetables to market going down the road alongside the trucks carrying their loads. I saw trucks filled to the brim with sheep and their shepherds. I saw modern day buildings with their crumbling walls near buildings with their ancient restored turrets rising above. I saw the oldest library in the world in its ultra modern current day architecture from an ancient fort. I saw farmers riding their donkeys to work in the fields along side highways with cars and trucks carrying people to their work (or their sightseeing). I saw young women wearing their hijabs and their jeans. Hiking up Mount Sinai I saw Bedouin guides, dressed in traditional style, with their camels, taking sightseers up and down the mountain. The modern pilgrimage. Our young Bedouin guide wore jeans and a jean jacket with LONDON printed across it.

Even on top of Mount Sinai as the sun rose and the skyline turned many glorious colors there was a jet flying through it, passing over our heads, leaving its widening vapor trailing in a not-straight line. And as I watched the sunrise slowing taking place I see my dear friend SS, frustrated, shivering in her shawl with her back to the sunrise, trying to send a message on her Blackberry – unable to get a signal.

I saw it everywhere I went– juxtaposition of the ancient and the current. I loved my ‘new eyes’.

Enjoy,

Dr. Bea Mackay

B-Sort.com

P.S. If we can get ‘new eyes’ on our relationships, amazing things can happen.

My Egyptian Holiday (part 1)

Thursday 24 January 2008

My Egyptian Holiday:

In November I went on a holiday to Egypt with 7 friends. We had been planning it for some time. We were supposed to go in 2006 but had to postpone it because not everyone could go.

We had a wonderful time. We had a packed itinerary that enabled us to see many important monuments and places.

It is amazing what the Egyptians created in those times with the tools that they had. It’s one thing to look at photos of monuments and it’s another to stand beside them, to touch them and in many ways, experience them. When I stood beside the massive columns of granite in their perfection I was even more astonished that they could do what they did.

Did you know that Luxor has 25% of all the monuments in the world? That’s what our guide told us.

In the Valley of the Kings we toured four tombs, one of which was King Tutankhamun tomb. We saw his mummy, which had only been on display for about two months.

I wrote some vignettes about my experiences. I’ll add them here.

Enjoy,

Dr. Bea Mackay

B-Sort.com

Post holiday relationship blues: some resources.

Friday 11 January 2008

In the growing-longer-days of January people often take note of what they have been ignoring in the time before the holidays. Gathering together with family and friends can put in your face things you’ve been trying to avoid - like your relationship issues. With the beginning of a new year people are often motivated to make changes in their relationships and are looking for sources of good information.

Here are several websites that can be helpful when you are looking for relationship advice and relationship help. There is a site called Family in the UK, http://www.channel4.com, which has articles on many aspects of relationships. Right now its home page has an article titled You will survive! Don’t let a break up poison your future. There is another site called, Canadian Family, that has articles on relationships and family issues. Go to www.canadianfamily.ca, click on family life and then relationships. Even a health related site, such as www.health24.com, gives valuable tips on how to improve your relationship. Go to the site and search it using relationships as your key word.

The marvel of the Internet is the volume of information that is at your fingertips. The curse of the Internet is that much of the information is of little value. We’re happy to provide some directions to sites that are worthwhile.

Dr. Bea Mackay and Dr. Warren Weir

Do it Yourself Relationship Help at B-Sort.com

Most breakups happen in November and January

Saturday 5 January 2008

I noticed today, January 2, 08, that MSN’s home page has an article for relationship help titled “Beating the breakup blues”.

People break up in all months of the year but November and January have the highest rate. Why? The holiday season is all about family. If you are content in your relationship then you probably look forward celebrating it with your spouse and getting together with nuclear and extended family. If you are very unhappy then you may not want to, or be able to, pretend throughout the holidays. Also, when you see couples that are happy with each other, you hurt even more. Either people cannot face the holiday season because of their troubled relationship or they decide to wait until afterwards. Usually, waiting is for the kids but often, it is for the parents and oneself.

Breakups do not happen overnight. Usually, they have been brewing for months, even years. Often couples break up and reconcile several times before they either finally develop a good working relationship that helps to consolidate their relationship or, they break up permanently. Many couples seek relationship advice from self-help sources and couples therapy before they break up and/or reconcile.

For those of you who have broken up there are some tips in this article on what to do recover faster in a healthy way. It mentions that keeping busy and not focusing on the relationship will help prevent going into a depression. It also recommends avoiding isolation by reaching out to family, friends, and counselors. Go to www.msn.com and type ‘Beating the breakup blues’ into their search window.

With care and concern,

Dr. Bea Mackay

Do it Yourself Relationship Help at B-Sort.com